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Get Up & Play

The hardest thing I do every day is get out of bed. Sometimes it takes me hours. I used to think I was lazy. Now, I know that my ego was calling my fear "laziness."

Why do I fear getting out of bed? That seems silly.

What I fear about getting out of bed is the same fear I face when sitting down with my horn:

What if I fail?

What if I'm not good enough, not successful enough, not happy enough, not inspiring enough, not ENOUGH??

Now, I preach to my students that failure is a stepping stone, I tell them to "do it scared," and I cheerlead them to sit down with their horns and make music no matter how they feel because I know it will help. I have a document called "To My Students" that starts with the words, "You are enough."

So, why. do. i. still. fear. failure?

Because I'm still human.

Darn it.

So, every day I try to face my fear head on, name it as fear (instead of laziness or busy-ness or whatever), and welcome it in until it feels loved enough to let me go.

And then I get out of bed and I play my horn.

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